Attisworks - Hey smartass, get yer swag right here.

Bringing you the latest designs, news and updates from Attisworks: Stylish t-shirts and gifts for the dysfunctional, the maladjusted and the just plain mean.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Pluto got the boot? OH NOES!

Pluto Demoted, still no cure for cancer. Pluto planet t-shirts
According to smarter people than us, Pluto done got stripped of its planetarizations. After rending our garments in anguish upon hearing the news, we decided that this would be a good time to roll out a new shirt to show how much we care.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Skinny People Suck

skinny girls freeze to death faster shirt
Our "Skinny Girls Freeze to Death Faster" shirt is one of our favorites. It really seems to connect with our customers. And why not? You know what they say: You gotta fight fire with fire, and smartass comebacks make the best barbeque. And speaking of barbeque -- tender, juicy, sauce-smothered slabs of pork are what you can enjoy without guilt while you freak out the anorexics with this shirt.

Stay tuned. There may be more health-defying designs in the future!

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Countdown to Muthafuckin' Oblivion

We got Snakes on a Plane and there ain't a got-damn thing you can do about it.
We're counting down the days until the opening of "Snakes on a Plane" with brand new merchandise! Our third S.o.a.P. design is sure to catch the attention of your fellow moviegoers on August 18th. Get it on a shirt, a sticker, or even buttons to pass out to all your friends. And as if things couldn't get any sweeter, by stocking up you can take advantage of our current offer of FREE SHIPPING for orders over $50 until August 28! But you better hurry. The snakes are coming. And there ain't a got-damn thing you can do about it.

Thursday, August 10, 2006


If you're into graphic design, you know how important finding the right font can be. Let's face it. The fonts included with graphics programs like Photoshop and Illustrator only go so far. Every once in a while your designs will scream for that bit of pizazz that can't be provided by the old standbys like Impact and Cooper Black.

That's when you go trawling the internet for fonts. Preferably free fonts if you're cheap bastards like us. More specifically legitimate free fonts if getting nailed for copyright infringement isn't your idea of super-happy-fun time. Rather than just setting you font-hunters adrift on Google with nothing but a prayer and a roll of toilet paper on a stick, we'll bring the fonts to you. Hung Like a Nerd T-shirt
Go forth, dear readers, to Larabie Fonts.

Ray Larabie has blessed us poor wretched designers with close to 400 stylish, hightly distinctive fonts that are free to download (TrueType fonts are the free ones; for other formats you have to pay, but the price can't be beat). We here at Attisworks already have our favorites, including Foo, which we've used on our "Hot as Hell", "Muthafuckin' Snakes" and "Hung Like A Nerd" designs. Another favorite is Biometric Joe, which you'll be seeing on our next soon-to-be-released "Snakes on a Plane" shirt. Larabie's typefaces come in all sorts of flavors, so whatever your subject, you're sure to find a font that fits. And if you don't like what you see, you can come and personally cockpunch us for wasting your time. Just be warned that we're total masochists and you'd only be encouraging us.

Monday, August 07, 2006

More Snakes! More Planes! More Swag!

Snakes on a Plane shirt: Flynn is my Homeboy
The "Snakes on a Plane" phenomenon shows no signs of stopping, folks. And you know what? Neither do we. We've opened up a whole new shop, "Flynn is My Homeboy", in honor of S.o.a.P. hero Nelville Flynn, the baddest muthafucka that ever whacked a muthafuckin' snake on a muthafuckin' plane. "Flynn is my Homeboy" shirts, stickers, mugs and buttons are all up for grabs. Don't miss out!

Friday, August 04, 2006

Snakes on an assload of merchandise

In case you've been under a rock on the moon's south pole for the past year or so, Snakes on a Plane is coming on August 18. And in a tremendous show of fanbase support, New Line Cinema has granted Cafepress, our own product fulfillment service, rights to sell products directly related to the movie! From co-founder Maheesh Jain:

We're excited to announce that New Line Cinema is partnering with to permit fans of Snakes on a Plane to become official licensees of Snakes on a Plane merchandise - creating a unique program in the true ‘citizen’ spirit of the movie. This interactive promotion allows our network of over 2.5 million members to unleash their creativity to transform Snakes artwork and ideas into unique gifts and share in the revenue stream. This completely unique approach to fan licensing, has never previously been embraced by any motion picture studio.

This is unprecedented, folks. And of course we here at Attisworks couldn't pass up such an enormous communal nerdgasm. We've added our own section of Snakes on a Plane gear to our store. Now you can get yourself some muthafuckin' snakes on a muthafuckin' t-shirt, a muthafuckin' sticker, or a muthafuckin' mug. Hell, you can even get your muthafuckin' kid some snakes on a muthafuckin' bib if you love him enough. We hope to see YOU on August 18, 2006, sporting some of our stuff.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

EVERYBODY PANIC!!!!111eleventyone

So far this year the Southeast US has been lucky in terms of hurricane strikes. Zilch since the season started. Good news for us, bad news for the media outlets -- who promised a veritable orgy of bigger, stronger storms, only to be left hanging by Mother Nature, the lazy whore. Well, fearless anchormen and anchorwomen, don your rain slickers and gird your loins. Tropical Storm Chris is on his way.

As Chris strengthens on it's trek into the Gulf of Mexico, we here at Attisworks would like to provide Gulf Coast residents with a token of good will on behalf of the news outlets, via our "Everybody Panic" section. With the shirt on your back and the sticker on your loaded-down Suburban, you can make your escape inland as stylish and jingoistic as Fox News would like it to be.